Parental Alienation
If you'd rather listen to the podcast than read the blog, click here for The Parents' Solution. The podcast drops February 28, 2023! Divorce has unfortunately become a common thread in North American society. While there are many ways to avoid this end to a marriage and a family, for those who have no other option, there are some very important issues to consider. The number one most important people to consider in a divorce are the children.
When the children's emotions and well-being are taken into effect, parents tend to have an amicable divorce and ensuing co-parenting dynamics. In this article I will be focusing on some questions that a spouse (especially the mother) should be asking to ensure that the children are not being alienated from the other spouse (particularly the father).
As a mother in a divorce situation, it is important to be honest with yourself when you answer the below questions. If you are honest, then you will get a balanced perspective of what is happening in the relationship between yourself, your children, and their father.
Is my child in physical, emotional, or intellectual danger from being with their father?
If the answer is yes, then there is a need to create some type of safe space where your children may be able to occasionally see their father, but not be alone with him.
If the answer is no, then you need to recognize that the only reason you may be withholding your children from their father is because of your personal hurt. While what you feel is legitimate and real, keep in mind that the children do not have the same experiences as you. They may be missing their father deeply.
Am I damaging my child's future relationship with their father by my actions or words?
If you find that your child is building a negative image of their father because of what you say about him, that is a problem. Divorce gets ugly when either parent starts to influence the child against the other parent because of something that has been done in the marital relationship. In other words, the private issues you've had with your spouse is not your child's business.
Talking badly about your spouse in front of your child is never okay, whether you are divorced or not. Your child has a part of your spouse in them. When you speak negatively about their dad, you are speaking badly of your child as well. That inward torment can play out in identity issues later on in life.
The damage caused by derogatory statements and actions against the accused parent can continue for years, far past when one parent's anger is pacified. A child can carry and amplify that hate in ways that a parent cannot even imagine.
How can I best help my child to have a good relationship with their father, regardless of what my relationship with him looks like?
This one is definitely tough, because as a parent, you have to put your own hurt and emotions aside and focus on the fact that your child will benefit from having a relationship with their father. By changing your perspective, you will gain valuable insight into the thoughts and feelings of your child. You will be able to build trust with them where they know they can share with you the positive experiences they are having with their father.
One of the key attributes of being a good parent is the ability to put your child's needs before your own. In divorce, as difficult as it may be, it is important to keep this attribute in mind.
It is critical for the mother to help the children foster a positive, healthy relationship with their father, even if he is not paying child support. I know this is an unpopular opinion for many reasons. Let's be clear, the father SHOULD be paying child support and doing his part financially. However, if for whatever reason he is not, the punishment should not be that he cannot see his children. That is dangerous, as the mother is proving a point at the cost of her children.
Divorce should never diminish children's value to that of mere assets for one spouse to hold over the other.
At the end of the day, children deserve to have healthy, positive relationships with both parents. #earlylearningactivities #divorce #earlychilddevelopment #divorcedparents #parentsofinsta #trauma #simplehomeschool #divorcetrauma #learningmadeeasy #learningforkids #dealingwithdivorce #earlyeducationmatters #separatedparents #homeeducating #kidsindivorce #childrenactivity #kidsofdivorce #mother #childrenneedbothparents #funlearningforkids #childrenofdivorce #unschooled #tutorsofinstagram #divorceisugly #unschoolingfamily #allaboutearlyyears #homeschooladventures #handsonactivities #interactivelearning #earlylearners #funactivitiesforkids #homeschoolmomlife #bestforthekids #privatetutoring #kidsactivites #singlefather #isolatedparenting #alternativeeducation #studentengagement #screenfreekids #kidsactivityideas #learningtime #father #activitiesforchildren #earlychildhoodlearning #earlyyearslearning #unschoolinglife #activelearning #tutoringservices #singlemother #coparenting #homeschoolersofinstagram #homeschoolcommunity #singleparent #childrensactivities #playingislearning #homeschooled #activitiesfortoddlers #earlychildhooddevelopment #lovelearning #kidseducation #earlylearning101 #learninganddevelopment #earlychildhoodeducator #parentslife #qualityeducation #learnandplay #homeschoolpreschool #homeeducator #kidslearning #earlyyearseducation #parentinggoals #funwithkids #handson #playtolearn #playislearning #homeschoolfamily #learningbydoing #parenting101 #tutoring #handsonlearning #learnthroughplay #earlychildhood #parentinglife #tutor #homeschoollife #homeschoolmom #parentingtips #homeschool